Is It Selfish to Pursue Happiness?

    

  Here’s what’s crazy. We all chase happiness – it’s automatic – but some people worry that it is selfish. So they feel guilty – and that makes them unhappy!

      It’s not selfish to seek happiness. It is selfish to be miserable! Happy people are more thoughtful and more considerate. It’s unhappy people who are preoccupied with themselves. Happy people make better friends, better lover and better employees.

Studies prove that if you are happy you are more likely to:

·      Volunteer at a soup kitchen

·       Carry a stranger’s groceries or

·      Loan people money.

So for the sake of everyone you know – and for the benefit of all the dogs in your neighbourhood – let’s get one thing straight: the happier you become, the better off we all will be!

      Hard times can mean no money. Hard times can mean no friends, no job and no hope. Hope is what we need most. The good news is that it is possible for you to climb out of the deepest hole. If you a unhappy with your life right now, you may look back in a few months and see how these difficult times helped prepare you for something better.

Most of us start out life believing:

·      Mistakes are bad

·      The happiest people have the easiest lives

·      The smartest people are the most successful

·      We need a partner to be happy.

None of the above statements are necessarily true.

Quick Quize

Imagine that in the last week, you:

·      Tattooed your backside

·      Thumped your neighbour

·      Got married

·      Robbed a bank

·      Donated a kidney

·      Had botox

·      Joined a mnastery

·      Devoured a huge pizza in three minutes and

·      Leaped off a very high bridge

Okay, so you had a busy week.

Question: What do each of the above have in common?

Answer: These are all things that might do to feel happier. Really! In fact, it’s a trick question because I could have put anything on the list. The motivation behind everything you do – and the motivation behind everything everybody does – is to feel better.

      Don’t take my word for it. Ask the psychologists or read Plato, Aristotle and Sigmund Freud. There is a lot of debate about the meaning of life. There is broad agreement about why we do what we do – we want to be happy and stay happy.

      You devour an entire pizza in three minutes. Your thought is, “This feels good. I want to be happy now.” You hire a personal trainer and eat lettuce for six months. Your aim is, “I want to like my butt – and this will make me happier.” You quit alcohol. Why?  “If I do this I will feel better.”

      Mary says, “I donate to charity because I want to help people.” Sure, Mary, but would you donate if it made you miserable? Fred says, “I punched my neighbour because he came at me with a spade!” Correct, Fred.  You made a hasty decision, “To be happier in the very short term I need to creak Larry’s nose before he whacks me with a gardening tool.”

      Different people do different things but the objective remains the same – if I do this I will feel better.

      You study accountancy for four years to please your dad. You say, “I did it to make him happy.” No you didn’t. You did it because you feel better doing what he wants than you would feel doing what you want.

      Whether you sacrifice for your kids, whether you marry or divorce, whether you get a tattoo or join the priesthood, the ultimate goal is the same. Even if you leap off a very high bridge, it is an attempt to feel better – I’ll be happier dead than alive”.

Acceptance

On a bicycle ride, around the world, my friend Aden stopped a while in a West African village to help build a bakery. He said: It Took us several months to build the bakery. We made the bricks from crushed anthills. Every day the village children came to help. None of the kids had shoes on but one happy little guy always wore one sock – no shoes, just a sock. He was about 10 years old. I called him One Sock.

Eventually, my curiosity got the better of me. I said, “One Sock, tell me about this sock you always wear.” He said proudly, “My mum washes it every night. I wear it every day.” I said,” Yes, but why do you wear one?” He seemed surprised y the silly question, and then he smiled broadly and said, “Because I only have one.!”

Perhaps you are broke right now. Perhaps you have lost your job or lost a loved one. Maybe you are sick. You say, “I just don’t know what to do.”

Here is the first thing to do – and the only thing to do. You accept where you are.

To turn things around you first make peace with your situation. Forget about blame, forget about guilt, forget the “what ifs”. Progress depends on acceptance. Acceptance doesn’t mean. “I want to stay here.” Acceptance means: “This is where I am – and now I move on to what I want.”

Instead of, “My husband is a gorilla and I’m stuck with him”, it is more like, “My husband is a gorilla. What a perfect learning experience! I now realise I deserve better treatment.”

      Instead of, “I’ve lost all my money. If only I hadn’t invested everything with Honest Eddie’s Equity Fund”, you say, “I am where I am. I made it once, I’ll make it again.”

Imagine you are overweight and you want to become thin. If you say:

·      I’m not fat, or

·      It’s my mother’s fault that am fat, or

·      My sister is fatter, what happens? You stay fat.

But there’s another option:

·      I am fat. I like myself whether or not I’m fat. I now choose to lose 50  kilos.

You accept where you are. Now you can move forward.

·      Acceptance isn’t giving up. Acceptance is recognition that, “This is a part of my journey.” Very often means, “Right now I have no idea why this had to be my journey.” Very often it means, “Right now I have no idea why this had to be a part of my journey but I embrace it anyway.”

In a Nutshell

Acceptance is power

Terlambatkah Untukku...

Mengapa kita seringkali terlambat menyedari sesuatu? Bila dia telah pergi dari hidup kita, barulah kita sedari yang dia amat berharga untuk dilepaskkan pergi. Terkadang aku bertanya pada diriku, "Apakah segala keputusan yang pernah aku ambil betul belaka dan itulah dia perkara yang dapat membahagiakan aku?". Aku sendiri tidak pasti akan jawapannya. Apa yang aku tahu, aku belum mengecapi ketenangan yang aku cari selama ini.

Memang tidak mudah mencari erti sebuah ketenangan dan kebahagiaan. Dari manakah datangnya ketenangan dan kebahagiaan itu? Pada aku, ketenangan dan kebahagiaan itu datang dari suasana yang mendamaikan jiwa dan pergaulan dengan orang2 yang sentiasa berfikiran positive.

Berfikiran positive....suatu perkataan yang cantik bahkan mudah untuk sesiapa saja melafazkannya. Untuk melaksanakannya dalam erti kata menjalani kehidupan seharian dengan berfikiran positive tidaklah semudah menebalikkan telapak tangan.

Sebenarnya apakah perlu kita lakukan untuk mengecapi ketenangan dan kebahagiaan??? Aku sendiri tidak mengetahui jawapannya. Bila seseorang baik dengan kita, apakah dia benar2 ikhlas dan bermaksud baik seperti apa yang dia cuba tonjolkan? Hanya Tuhan saja yang tahu. Semoga kita tidak tersalah memilih teman...